I hate elves! – Ignacy Trzewiczek

I hate elves. I hate them wholeheartedly. I hated them in Warhammer, I hated them in Dungeons and Dragons, I hated them in Lord of the Rings. I hate you Legolas!

In Monolith Arena they drive me crazy too.

***

Speed
This Hunter tile with a speed of 3 is a joke. Not only Hunter is usually the fastest unit on the board, but he is also pretty damn deadly because after shooting with a speed of 3, he retakes another arrow and fires, with speed zero. Two attacks? Really?!

I also hate Runes of Speed. Yeah, sure, these dumb elves not only have fastest units in the game, they also have additional Runes that add +1 and even +2 speed! Why not, right?

What about infinite speed? Sure, we are elves, why not! Morlock tile, OMG, I hate him so much, Morlock attacks before anybody! His speed is “Strike first.” Elves!!!

[breathe]
[calm down. Everything is fine. dwarfs are the best]
[breathe]

Shadow
I hate elves because being insanely fast is not enough. Elves have more, elves have Assassin tiles, 3 of them in the deck! This tile – like a freakin’ ninja – can attack any tile on the board. Any tile. Did I say it clear enough? Assassin attack any tile on the board. This drives me crazy.

And what’s going on with all this movement?! Wyrm can move, Herne can move, every elf adjacent to banner can move… Can’t you people just put the tile on the board and leave it as it is?! Monolith Arena is a strategy game about placing your units smart. Not about placing your units and then changing your mind every damn round! I hate it. I hate it when I have my dwarven axe aiming at this stupid Wyrm, and then he moves, and I flip the damn table!

[breathe]
[calm down]
[breathe]

Surprises
I haven’t finished yet. I despise Precise shot order tile. It is unfair. It is disgraceful. It is an elvish way of playing, from the shadow, without facing your enemy, without honor! Pick a tile and hit it. Just like that.

Disgrace. Do you hear me, elves? You are disgraceful!

And don’t you even start me on these 4 movement tiles you have in the deck. Don’t you even get me started…

Welcome to PORTAL GAMES

We are bookworms. Movie maniacs. Story addicts. We grew up reading Tolkien, Howard, Herbert, Dick, Lem… We were watching Willow, Blade Runner, Never Ending Story, Robin Hood…

And yet, we don’t write books… we don’t make movies. We don’t make those things, because we make games. We make games that tell stories.

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